The Art of Conversation – The 85/15 Rule

Ever heard of the 85/15 rule in conversations? Today, let’s explore human connection through the art of conversation, guided by the principle of the 85/15 rule. Join us as we navigate the important balance between speaking and listening, between dialogues and monologues. Discover how mastering this ratio can transform relationships and enrich every interaction, one conversation at a time. Read on for more…

Studies show that 85% of the time, people are busy pushing their own viewpoint and convincing others of what they think. And hence, a mere 15% of the time is dedicated to asking questions! 

You may have noticed this in conversations at your workplace, with your colleagues. For most, the unconscious psychological focus is on telling others what’s on their minds or trying to persuade others that their views are right. And all the time thinking that this is a good conversation. You may have noticed yourself doing the same thing too! It’s a pattern that is easy to create.

However, the reality is far from that…

While we believe we are talking, we are actually so engrossed in what we have to say that we don’t realise we are carrying out our own monologues, not dialogues. When we recognise our addiction to ‘being right’, it suddenly dawns on us that our version of reality, may not be the only reality. That there may be different points of view. Therefore, it is in everyone’s best interest to take those points of view into consideration. 

That is when we create a A SPACE for better conversations, for true connections and a real form of exchange. And that’s so valuable, isn’t it? We all have the innate need to be heard and understood. When we offer that to others, it changes the way we connect – be it in families, with friends or at the workspace.

As we conclude our exploration of the art of conversation, remember that mastering the 85/15 rule is not just about balancing words but also about honouring the space for genuine connection. My mantra is to reverse the 85/15 rule and instead ‘Listen-Ask-Speak’ in that order.  

By embracing dialogue as the heart of communication, we open doors to empathy, understanding, and deeper relationships. What do you think about the quality of conversations that are routinely had at your workplace? Monologues or dialogues?

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